1. |
Grown (Still)
04:28
|
|||
collapse my lungs
force the air out of my chest
breath out slow
you will know that i am still
alive
bound by exhaustion
i'll escape when i'm asleep
and pray that the sunrise
will not follow me
don't follow me
patiently, i'll waste away
did you know that this house breathes like you do?
trembling at the thought of what it's got to prove
looking out through the window
i saw the trees in the yard
tangled together
their skins was broken and scarred
but they grow still
as we've grown still
and still i can't quiet my head
i can't ever forget
i'll try for honesty
but it's so hard
with this weight on my chest
even with empty lungs
even with whats still left
you don't deserve these words
you deserve no attention
from me at all
so as i relive the past
as i share my perspective
know your thoughts weren't in mind
know these stories are mine
to tell as my own
|
||||
2. |
In Melancholy
02:53
|
|||
know that we are forced to live
with the promises that we made
we wear our mistakes
on our faces
counting
more and more
year to year
but i'm just trying
to find some purpose
i'd hoped that this held meaning
but i know
our lives grew together
and at first
we'd seemed so strong
stay by my side
i won't be a burden
let me pretend that this
holds some meaning
cries below muddle my mind
breathing faltered in your sight
chest pulls up
head falls down
i collide
saw teeth
cut into branches
fell and covered roots
in concrete cracking through
their rings were young and few
this new life broke
the foundation aged
while hiding you
shattered
no need to worry
i could see it coming
please forget me
fingers crossed tight enough to break
familiar snap returns melancholy
set my bones
fill the cracks with mistakes
dressed again with forced apathy
sometimes i still feel you there
by my side
together we'd hide
sometimes i still fear that you're there
hiding inside
while cracks in the concrete
echo through the walls
my chest follows each one
and my head falls
sometimes i still feel you there
and every time it feels like
saw teeth
cutting into our skin
|
||||
3. |
Elephant
04:27
|
|||
my skin won't keep you warm
i don't recognize it anymore
my voice is weak and worn
i don't know it anymore
it's like we're sewn together
tangled in each other
when you touch me with
your hollowness
your quiet lips
your shallow lungs
don't bury my body
i'll wait for the rain
to cover the snow
my ashes, my bones
will sink into the earth
waiting for you
to find me in the dirt
my love won't keep you warm
i don't recognize it anymore
my hope is weak and worn
i don't know it anymore
it's like the best days
are gone
or maybe i just remembered them wrong
or buried them
with my happiness
(reconstruct)
and the sun came up
(days gone by)
and you found me in the dirt
(with these skin-graphed maps)
a lesson in separation
(i'll hide inside)
and you found me in the dirt
and our lesson in separation
it's like when you hear your voice played back to you
and you should know what your voice sounds like
but you don't
and you hear yourself hurting
and you hear them talking quietly
and you hear yourself
how they hear you
it's like when you see yourself in a dream
and you know you should't be able to
but you can
and you see yourself hurting
and you see them staring
but you see yourself
how they see you
quiet lips
shallow heart
we are
(lost)
it's like when you touch me
and you know you shouldn't
but you did, you saw I was hurting
and you heard me, but you'll never know me
how i know you
|
||||
4. |
Within the Walls
02:36
|
|||
i remember
climbing through broken windows
hiding from the light
lighting cigarettes
from fires we'd start in alleys
to pass the time
but it's been years since
i roamed with you at night
they tore the church down
my mother's home is empty
i tell myself
i don't know why
you couldn't confide in me
you felt alone
but what does that mean to me
i found myself
overthinking moments of regret
my mistakes just shine so bright
when they're played back
in my head
and i know you want me to
hold onto these choices
that i made
because if you told me
would you think i don't know
nothing would have changed
we'll always know what it's like
to have something worth losing
we held on to what we could
and what we learned
fighting against
their torturous roots
waiting to leave behind
all we felt
that we outgrew
|
||||
5. |
Sedatephobic
03:49
|
|||
when was the last time
you spoke to me
when was the last time
i felt the need to listen
and were you blinded
by desperation
sedatephobic panic sets in
but still you never listened
maybe it's standing on a porch step all alone when evening light has faded
from a distant glimmer to a dull glow maybe it's in the air a cigarette an empty home passing conversation voices over telephones
something about the way i close my eyes
feels easier
like something about
the way your voice demanded open ears
days go by it seems
i've lost the need to say the things
that distance has replaced
with idle numbness
silent emptiness
maybe it's waiting for a train going far from home with countless bodies walking in straight lines their limbs framing glowing exit signs or maybe it's knowing i can't find you here knowing you're comfortable with the ones you that you love near i tell myself i'm grateful for what you did to me
but it means nothing i mean nothing i know you'd have trouble understanding
and i don't know what it is
but something about the way that
distance has replaced this
need for conversation
this ache
to end the silence
puts me at ease
and it helps me
but i can't sleep
when the days end feels
so far come morning light
these words feel ephemeral
they fall from my lips
it's quiet as night
that swallows your mind
leaves you hungry for
a chance to close your eyes
|
||||
6. |
Hopelessness
03:33
|
|||
7. |
Leave a Light On
03:28
|
|||
i've got this fear of life to come
and all the things i haven't done
and it keeps me alone
when i'm stumbling home
and i drank too much
thinking about what i've called love
and i'm trying to learn
but i'm still not good with words
did i cause your collapse?
it happened so fast
when i looked back
leave
a light on outside
i promise
i just need time
it'll be alright
come sunlight
caught in the dim light
their eyes met mine
and i tried to hide
that i was drunk
that i'd been smoking far too much
despite my aching lungs
despite the last three months
i hate to look weak
but old friends have a way of seeing
where you really are
and lies only go so far
and i hate to look weak
but we share this
understanding
so i heard them all confess
that they wished they could have spent
more time with you
had they known
how much time was left
and it's that fear of life to come
and all the things i haven't done
that keeps me alone
when i'm stumbling home
and i drank too much
i've thought about what i call love
and it's those eyes
and it's the light
left on outside
|
||||
8. |
In Mourning (Still)
02:19
|
|||
9. |
Time Will Heal Us
05:13
|
|||
10. |
Orchid Garden
03:53
|
|||
come night
my eyes are weakened by
the lack of light
the weight of time
distracted, they wander
like my hands on your skin
like breathing you in
and i can't remember what that feels like
i knew i wouldn't find sleep tonight
i left a note for myself
ride out this night
when you're up too high
look out and breath in
when you fall again
raise your arms and sink
inside you're safe
it's okay to be afraid
'cause there's so much to do
but not enough time
and i'm so tired
excuse my excuses
i'll come up with a better one
but there's no time
and i'm so goddamn tired
excuse my excuses
there's no time
we all wanna leave behind
something meaningful
but for who, i don't know
and whats more
if anything lives beyond my body
i hope it grows out of my words
breathe me in, my dear
redirect my weary eyes
inside me you're safe
condemned by time
our wounds won't heal
i knew i wouldn't find sleep tonight
|
||||
11. |
Red
04:04
|
|||
i haven't been seeing you
as much as i would like to
in my head
before i fall asleep
i don't see you
and i wish i could explain
as well as i would like to
but my head doesn't work that way
i just can't explain
why do we
pick ourselves up
laugh when we fall
why am i always smiling through
the weight of it all
the weight of a fall
that seems so far
something so temporary
seems like everything
is so everything
until it's not
my blood runs cold
but it pours our red
it's all you see
and i can't stop the bleeding
looking back
i saw the blood
and it pours out red
but i can't stop
the bleeding
and this failing
it's all you see
i can't stop the bleeding
before i fall asleep sometimes i see you
and you're begging me to explain
and you're begging me to stay
and the walls behind you shake
and there are cracks throughout the paint
and i'm watching my blood
circle in the sink
but it all seems far away
like arms reaching out in the dark
unsure of what they'll find
in the absence of your light
you can't see
that if my thoughts were written down
they fill the walls of this old house
and where they'd bloom
it would look just like my mother's room
i hope to find you there
with the memories i wish i could forget
it's all the ideas
that i haven't gotten around to yet
cause i haven't gotten out of bed yet
and i haven't got anything yet
|
||||
12. |
Hold (Still)
04:58
|
|||
“hold still,” she said, that twisted warm smile pushing the thoughts out of my head and leaving it with her words instead. but in that moment, with the passing image, i came to the realization that nothing ever would/
“hold still” she said. and she said time moved to fast for her. but she was 17, too young to be focused on the life waiting ahead and blinded by what was trapped in her head and in her bones so she could never fully just/
“hold still” but i just want her to be looking at me. i want to hear that she’ll be here with me, and she’ll fall asleep on my shoulder, hours rolling by, not making us feel older but pushing memories back so we can make new ones, ones i wish were the only ones left when i was ready to let her go, but they’re not.
“hold still” she said and that warm smile twisted into tight lips, trembling, holding back thoughts begging to leave her head. and i sit with her. a little orange bottle hits the ground but the pills aren’t inside. and i touched it and i felt the weight of emptiness. and i touched her and i felt the weight of emptiness. i prayed for anything to slow down time but she just placed her hand in mine and as my eyes poured out the words i couldn't say, she spoke. and her words were like smoke. and her eyes were like the moon, “i’m going to sleep now, but i’ll see you again soon.”
wishing for the best
time will leave us
bleeding, waiting
for death to find us
time will never hold still
time will never bleed with me
and i carried her in my arms
and i saw the scars
and i heard approaching sirens
as i looked at the stars
|
||||
13. |
Inosculation
04:47
|
|||
one day i looked out from the window
saw those trees in the yard
they had fallen apart
their skin was broken and scarred
and their rings were young and few
and they looked just like you
and i thought that i'd be strong enough
to say exactly what i wanted
it's been long enough
but i can't keep what i want fucking straight
so i built these walls
of metaphors and cliches
silently hoping they'd fall
and i'd break
there's so much left to learn
and our lesson proved my worth
and i'm so hesitant in separation
and in what we learned
fighting against
their torturous roots
hoping to find a way
to speak the truth
and i don't know why that would help
but i just wish
i could write something about you
that didn't make me hate myself
so far from you, i know
i don't want to pretend
that i have found out how
to get passed this
and were you blinded
by desperation
i know i was nothing
but did i
cause your collapse
or was i just a part of it
and i hope the wall break
and you find these poems
scratched in the paint
they're not direct
so they feel safe
they're insecure
but they fit
and i'd rather have them
than try to live without
happiness
so far from you, i know
i don't want to pretend
there i have found out how
to get passed this
and i know
closing the door
means leaving these questions unanswered
it means not caring enough
it means giving up
on what i call love
and i'm so sick
of the sound of my own voice
and the pressure that i put
on every single choice
to make sure that i'm heard
to make sure that these words feel right
and i just want to leave behind
something meaningful
something beautiful
it's never felt right
but sometimes i wish you had had that child
maybe then
i wouldn't feel so fucking empty
inside
collapse my lungs
force the air out of my chest
until i breath out slow
and until i forget
you will know
i haven't got anything yet
but these words and these moments
i'm wishing for the best
that the scar of our inosculation
won't define the days
that i have left
|
||||
14. |
Megaman (B-Side)
04:43
|
Colour in the Clouds
emo influenced post-hardcore
calgary, AB
+
vancouver, BC
Streaming and Download help
If you like Colour in the Clouds, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp